Tuesday, May 28, 2002
the continuing adventures of erik swedlund, urban proofreader
A bar I pass walking to work has a sign out front advertising their new drink, the "naugthy toddy." They mean naughty, of course, unless their drink is a derivative of naugahide. I'll take a pass on the more complicated social issue of how all these naughtily named drinks (e.g., "sex on the beach," "slippery nipple") fail to pan out.
erik 11:08 AM | permalink | yap
Tuesday, May 21, 2002
blogs around: Fury.com: Going #2? Take an Umbrella
So why don't I just drop the pretense of "writing" on HipSmart, and just truly become an anthology of links to other blogs, where all the good writing is anyway?
So here's a top-notch entry from Kevin. Enjoy.
erik 10:03 AM | permalink | yap
blogs on blogs: SWYS
The interesting thing about knowing bloggers who know each other IRL is picking up references to them in the other bloggers' blogs. That's how you get all the real dirt. Fer example, this post by Nick about his love for chick-flicks reveals that R. of Suck it Up is a bit of a "weepy willow." Which is revealing, because if you've ever read Suck it Up, you might not have thought that. :-p
Just to keep the revelation train rolling, I'll let drop this: Ryan of Robotic Audio is a stone-cold fox, and dangerous on the dance floor, to boot.
erik 9:55 AM | permalink | yap
Thursday, May 16, 2002
BDB fills the void: BDB HQ
Ernie has come up with the ultimate turn-about-is-fair-play with his "BOOT OFF SOMEONE FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY!" twist. Even if it's only a one-off boredom-relieving stunt, it still opens up a whole new dimension to the erniegame. If a commentator can be booted, the commentators are no longer passive observers (though you already knew that from all the kvetching back and forth between contestants and peanuts) but actually a part of the game. Oooh, it's so PoMo! [giggle]
Now then, who to vote for?
erik 1:58 PM | permalink | yap
Wednesday, May 15, 2002
proud to bring you more features you don't want: HipSmart RSS Feed
This new feature of Blogger Pro only seems to be active on the test publishing server, so my feed may not update if I forget to publish from there; since I mostly blog off the BlogThis! tool, expect me to always forget. Until the RSS publishing shows up as a standard Blogger Pro feature, don't expect a lot. Heck, I wouldn't expect a lot even then. Hell, if you've ever expected a lot from HipSmart, you're already sorely disappointed.
The ampersand in my Jay and Silent Bob quote two posts ago seems to be breaking IE6's XML rendering engine. Hey, Microsoft: pbbbbt!
Now I just have to find some use for this thingy. Where would I go to look at RSS feeds? Seriously, I don't know. Maybe if I find somewhere I could subscribe to the RSS feeds of other blogs I like, if they have them. Lemme know how to do this by clicking "yap" below.
erik 4:58 PM | permalink | yap
hip news: Seriously Dude, Where's My Car? (2003)
Best sequel title ever.
erik 2:04 PM | permalink | yap
Monday, May 13, 2002
quoth J&SBSB:
"Affleck, you da bomb in Phantoms, yo!"
erik 4:59 PM | permalink | yap
ken is back: 1moredork online
Never can tell with him: if he's blogging or not. Never can tell if he'll be lurking around some comments board. But if he is, it's bound to be good.
erik 11:12 AM | permalink | yap
Friday, May 10, 2002
parenthetical comment: my life is an unordered list
Of course, the reason I dislike the contestant run-down list so much is that the writer always forgets to put me on. Poor, sad, little me.
erik 10:14 AM | permalink | yap
my life is an unordered list: BDB - Todd
I think some writers mistake "clever" organizations for clever writing: "Oooh, you know what would make this scene burst at the seams with tension? If I intercut it with a rocket countdown. You know, like 10, 9, 8 . . . . I could even put the stuff I think is more important closer to 1! Then it would be like a top ten list!" And nothing can lighten the mood at the office like a good memo parody, especially if the cc: field is filled in with a hilarious play on the boss's name.
Pbbbbt.
So what's a guaranteed tug on the heart-strings? A fluffy list of feel-good fluff. Thank goodness BlindDateBlog has Todd, willing to stick his neck on the line in a "what I love/what I dislike" list form. Hoping to curry favor with the ladies and the judges alike, Todd comes out boldly in favor of things like "the full moon (especially setting over the ocean), barbecue, a good party, warm weather, dressing up, dressing down," and not in favor of things like "aggressive drivers, animal haters (haters, in general, for that matter), bad service, discourteous people." Way to differentiate, man!
Another admission - I have never tried any drugs that weren't prescribed by a doctor. No MJ, coke, speed, smack, horse, x, etc.
One thing, Todd: you'd better believe you need a prescription for Min Jung's love.
In an earlier post, Todd throws another tired organizational form at us: the contestant run-down. Now, frankly, a lot of BDB is using this sad excuse for building familiarity, describing hypothetical meetings with other contestants or just blatantly ass-kissing. For some reason, though, Todd's list of comments to the ladies is especially butt-puckering. And after the lackluster list, he teases us by not going into detail about the one interesting comment in his post: his appearance on Win Ben Stein's Money.
I don't really want to come down so hard on Todd. As AJ noted in a post on the BDB message board, us aging erniegamers have to support each other.
There are other sad attempts to point out in BDB. There is also good writing to point out. Todd just stuck in my craw first. Plus, it's the mix of good and bad that makes the game entertaining: you have to have something to root for.
erik 9:51 AM | permalink | yap
Tuesday, May 07, 2002
hot dogs: BlindDateBlog - Peanut Gallery: MJ
Min Jung is correct: Plochman's is the yellow mustard worth mentioning in the same sentence as "hot dog." Remember, kids, ketchup is a nasty concoction consisting mainly of sugar, designed to mask the flavor of what it's put on (thus making it palatable for fussy children). Mustard is salty, designed to enhance the flavor of what it's put on. Hence the concept of condiment.
Looking for precisely the right mustard? Try the Mt. Horeb Mustard Museum, home to 3,800 different mustards. It's worth the drive.
erik 12:38 PM | permalink | yap
Google Search: sand gravel dealers california
Aw, crud, look what I went and did. I'm hoping this won't be as bad as the time I mentioned "donkey sex." That's one way to get a lot of search results hits.
erik 10:19 AM | permalink | yap
Friday, May 03, 2002
who's playing this game? BlindDateBlog - Peanut Gallery
So, what's so different about Ernie's latest online whoring? You mean, besides the drop in percentage of asian contestants and the staggering rise in percenatage (100%?!?) of straight contestants? (To be fair, this was conceived as a straight game.)
Well, now that the entire point of the blog is to flirt (as opposed to earlier erniegames, where there was some pretense to blogging, even if they wound up being all flirting anyway), it seems that the contestants are all-too-conscious of the impression they make in their precious 1 post per day. And in this contestant-limiting atmosphere, where is the real game being played? In the Peanut Gallery, of course. Ooh, there's some delicious snarkiness in there.
Everyone is aware, from their appearances in past erniegames and/or erniememes, of the snarkiness of Ryan, MJ, and Choire. But who knew that Ariel, in all appearances a mild-mannered blogger, would become so engorged with power upon being appointed to the peanut gallery that she would lose all sight of propriety and descend into total snarkavity? Yee-haw! Hats off to Ernie on the best gallery members since Ken.
erik 3:41 PM | permalink | yap
fingers, walking, whatever: Chicago Underground Film Fest
Upon digging through the drawers of my new cubicle, I ran across many arcane objects (apparently the cube was the old office repository), such as:
- 100-year-old stapler of death, utilizing no known standard staple size, and requiring 250 poundals to actuate
- More AAA batteries than there are television remote controls in Illinois (to say nothing of the complete lack of AAA battery-powered devices in our office)
- A national yellow pages
This last item is of some note, as I believe it to be some sort of scam. Every week or so, we receive an invoice from the "Yellow Pages Company" for a listing in the national yellow pages, though we are really not interested. Who would want a national phone book, anyway? As it's smaller than most local phone books, it's exceedingly un-useful. I can see at a glance, under the heading "Sand Gravel Mulch & Topsoil," that there is one dealer in Alaska, one dealer in Arizona, five dealers in California, etc., for this service. For the love of Pete, who cares? I'm not looking for sand, gravel, mulch, or topsoil in Alaska. And what are the chances that the one dealer in Alaska is willing to airlift my order of a ton of gravel from Fairbanks to my backwoods cabin?
But, purely by chance, I did find something with the help of the nationwide edition of the yellow pages: this link to a cool film festival. I just don't know why they advertised in this silly book.
erik 8:01 AM | permalink | yap
Thursday, May 02, 2002
top notch: Sitting Shiva for Barbie: Western Barbie
R. and M. of Suck It Up are running a Barbie retrospective, with an expert panel of guest bloggers. If I could think of a damn Barbie story, I'd join them. In the mean time, go read everyone else's plastic trysts.
The post to read is R.'s ode to Western Barbie. I've read a lot of things about Barbie over the years--critical diatribes, fluffy reminiscences, yawn-worthy attempts to make Barbie kinky--but nothing so true as this. For good or ill, this is the real effect Barbie has on kids.
(Cripes, let me be clear about this: R. is cool. Thus, the effect is for good, not for ill, in so much as whatever tiny effect Barbie does have on children. It's just an idiom, you know. Aw, cripes, just go read her entertaining post.)
(Oh, and the post entitled "Let's Play the King One" is the one example of a kinky Barbie story that is truly disturbing, instead of yawnariffic.)
erik 1:49 PM | permalink | yap
ernie works the web: BlindDateBlog
We are heading for a horrific train wreck. Is there a mathematical significance? Possibly, when the oldest male contestant is exactly twice the age of the youngest female contestant.
Oh, good lord, it's great to have an erniegame back on the air. They're getting to be as regular as television seasons--in fact, since he started emulating Survivor 1, he's kept pace with each new television Survivor by putting on a webgameshow of his own. The difference? Ernie's games are better.
The only thing he needs is a better budget. Even with lots of people nicely donating money to the prize pot, Ernie never gets compensated for his work. And in the case of BlindDateBlog, who knows if one of the winners may need to afford air fare to CA.
erik 10:38 AM | permalink | yap
Wednesday, May 01, 2002
email: office news
Here's a news item in the office today: "Undeclared Soy Causes Doritos Recall"
PLANO, Texas (April 22, 2002) - Frito-Lay here announced the voluntary recall of 1,667 cases of Doritos Nacho Cheesier Tortilla Chips, limited to Indiana, Ohio, and Illinois, the company said last Thursday. Only 110 cases (660 bags) may contain a soy-based seasoning that was not declared on the label.
Thank goodness I'm not allergic to soy, or my vegetarian days would be over. I eat almost nothing but, it seems, with all my fake meats.
erik 4:44 PM | permalink | yap
email: office
i'm up to all sorts of tricks here at the office. now
i can print out my airbills for overnight shipping--no more
filling out a form in triplicate with ballpoint. i also
make many many mailing labels and do a lot of mail merge
form letters. of course, my boss likes paper copies of
the stuff we send out, so I end up duplicating all my
nice electronic work anyway.
erik 4:43 PM | permalink | yap
email: advice
My advice: base your happiness on some external source,
thus eliminating the need to feel emotions. I, personally,
have decided to hitch my emotional well-being to the wagon
of Network Television. What makes me feel satisfied and
loved and whole as a person? Prime Time, when television's
biggest stars come out to shine.
erik 4:42 PM | permalink | yap
to email-post test
???
erik 3:14 PM | permalink | yap
cc email-post test
??
erik 3:13 PM | permalink | yap
test
email-post, damn you!
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erik 2:59 PM | permalink | yap